Marelosion

Exploded Sundries
(Tags flexible, inquire within (the ask box).)

linguisticsyall:

The next time you want to say speaking in a certain dialect makes a person uneducated just do everyone a favor and just punch yourself in the mouth instead

(via lingrix)

humansofnewyork:

"You can make about 75% more money with a cat on your head than you can with a cat on your shoulder."

humansofnewyork:

"You can make about 75% more money with a cat on your head than you can with a cat on your shoulder."

If Facebook Was A Guy

ryannorth:

FACEBOOK: Hi, I’m Facebook.
ME: Nice to meet you, I’m Ryan.
FACEBOOK: What’s your last name? Where do you live? When were you born? What’s your phone number? Is that work or mobile? Can I have your work number too?
ME: Facebook, I just met you.
FACEBOOK: This is what friendship is to me.

***

ME: Hey, you know what’d be lots of fun? If we had a picnic!
FACEBOOK: Hey, you know what’d be lots of fun? If you told me the names of every single person you know!

***

FACEBOOK: Hey Ryan, do you know this person?
ME: That’s Sarah. I haven’t spoken to her for years.
FACEBOOK: Okay, here’s a shot of her bedroom and some pictures of her children as they sleep.

***

FACEBOOK: Hey Ryan, do you know this person?
ME: I… maybe? I may have seen him at a party.
FACEBOOK: He likes The Big Bang Theory. You wanna be friends, right?
ME: No.
FACEBOOK: I’ll ask you to be friends with him every time I see you again for the next six months.

***

FACEBOOK: Your friends went to the beach. Do you have any comments on these pictures of your friends at the beach?
ME: Huh?
FACEBOOK: I’m showing their swimsuit pictures to everyone. Do you like them? You can tell me if you like them. It’s fine if you like them.
ME: They’re… okay, I guess?
FACEBOOK: Okay, I just told them and everyone they know that you like their swimsuit pictures.

***

MY FRIEND STEVE: Hey, Facebook just said we’re not friends anymore? What the hell, Ryan?
ME: Huh?
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

***

NSA: Hey Facebook, what can you tell us about Ryan?
FACEBOOK: Age, interests, relationships, activities, where he was last night, what he looked like while he was there, the last five places he’s lived - what do you want?
NSA: That’ll be great, thanks. Do we need a warrant?
FACEBOOK: Nah, just make a fake account and friend someone who is friends with Ryan. That’s good enough for me!
NSA: Hah hah hah

***

FACEBOOK: Hey, did you know your aunt is racist?
ME: I… no?
FACEBOOK: Here’s something they wrote about “the foreigners”.
ME: Why would you think I’d want to see this?
FACEBOOK: Do you like what you see? You can tell me if you like it. It’s fine if you like it.

***

FACEBOOK: Hey, this corporation wants to engage with you.
ME: What? No.
FACEBOOK: They paid me money so you’re going to listen to them whether you want to or not.
CORPORATION: Hi, are you getting married? Do you want to buy diamonds? You mentioned diamonds earlier so you should buy our diamonds.
ME: I was talking about the James Bond movie, Diamonds Are Forever.
CORPORATION: We can sell you that too.
ME: Wait, how did you know I was talking about that in the first place?
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

***

ME: Facebook, I don’t want to be friends anymore. Forget everything I ever told you about myself.
FACEBOOK: Okay.
ME: Facebook, did you delete everything?
FACEBOOK: I did. Sorry to see you go.
ME: …
ME: …Facebook, if I said I wanted to be friends again, what would you say?
FACEBOOK: Here’s all your old shit again! I never deleted anything!
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

Math the pizza bullet.

beewulf:

check it out, i’m in kansas

Yeah, me too.  Weird!  Kinda sucks here.

beewulf:

check it out, i’m in kansas

Yeah, me too.  Weird!  Kinda sucks here.

19th Century Clients from Hell

clientsfromhell:

Charles Babbage received funds from the English Treasury between 1823 to 1842 to build his engine. Today, we would know that engine to be more akin to a mechanical computer.

Babbage recorded his interactions with two members of parliament. It went as follows:

On two occasions I have been asked,—

“Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?”

I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.

coffeewithajla:

"Remember that in racist, demographics obsessed Israel, the most fearsome "existential threat" is the birth of a Palestinian child."

(via thealogian)